Exciting, huh? Sorry for the blurriness. Brian zoomed in rather close. What do you think? Does it look like me or Brian?
I wanted a picture with me and my baby on Mother's Day, and unfortunately, this is the best we can do at this time. If I am not all that smiley, well, hopefully you can understand why.
So unless labor comes crashing down upon me all of the sudden, tomorrow I will find myself at the hospital for my next ultrasound. My bags will be packed, just in case my fluid level is dangerously low and they won't let me leave. I also have an appointment with my midwife to decide what the plan will be over the next few days.
I've been incredibly nervous, because I really don't want to be induced. I know women are induced everyday, but truly, it isn't the best thing. It can create more complications and also more painful contractions. I won't be allowed to have a water birth, and I fear I might have to give in to pain meds much more readily without it, combined with the more intense contractions.
It's been a difficult time. Poor Brian. I've been in tears many times between yesterday and today. It doesn't take much. In the 1800's, at least in England, women used to go into confinement as their time to deliver drew near. I can completely understand why. I decided to forego church this morning because I knew I could not face the barrage of questions or the blatant, ridiculous statement of the obvious, such as, "Still here?" I also can't take the well-meaning, but totally unsolicited advice of how to get labor going, as if it is somehow my fault that I am still pregnant. I've already tried quite a number of things from eating pineapple to acupressure. None have worked yet. (Forgive me; I refuse to try castor oil.)
The waiting is hard. Poor Brian keeps getting things ready at work, thinking it's surely any day now, only to have to keep repeating the process. I myself have been getting ready for weeks, because we all know babies can come at any time, so I've been through the process of getting ready over and over again. To complicate matters, Brian's car has failed inspection this month, and we wanted to try to sell it. We have very little time to do so before it is illegal to drive. We wasted a whole week this past week, where we could have been getting a plan in motion, but when one is waiting at any moment for a baby, it is hard to move forward with any other plans.
The other part of waiting that is hard is knowing the intense pain is going to come, and instead of just getting it over with, it becomes almost a bigger fear as the waiting time continues.
Beyond all of these annoyances, my greatest concern is for our baby. I am very anxious to know tomorrow the fluid level and if it has increased or decreased since this past Wednesday. Beyond everything else, I just want this little one to be safe and healthy. I will be so relieved when our baby emerges safely from my womb at long last.
Tomorrow I'll be 41 weeks. Please continue to keep us in prayer. And I must give thanks to our patient families. Both sides have been keeping their phones on 24 hours. My sister has been a real gem to patiently take the time to deal with my every question and worry. I owe her a huge thank you for taking care of her little sis not just now, but all throughout this pregnancy.
For tonight, Brian and I will play a game or perhaps soak up a movie at home and enjoy what little time we have left alone together, though truth be told, we'd rather our baby were here.
Brian got me these chocolates and a card for my "first" Mother's Day.
